THE AUSTRALIAN WAY

A Filipino lost his job at an Australian company. He was fired for his unhygienic practice of not cleaning his butt, after taking a poop, "The Australian Way" -- according to his immediate boss. His boss stopped him from bringing a bottle of water into the cubicle. The argument got heated and the Filipino said something along the lines of 'if you won't let me poop my way then you better fire me then.' So he got sacked.

The bottle of water you see is for cleaning his butt, because we Filipinos usually wash ourselves with soap and water, instead of wiping it with a piece of scented tissue. Which is the practice in most of the world; it being the norm and not the exception. That's why we don't know what a "skid mark" is. Unless we have hemorrhoids or an "accident." You know, getting a bonus while making-utot. (Fart darling.) It's another arrogant western belief that the western way is the "normal" way. Like sitting on the throne when most of the planet squat, which studies reveal as the "biologically correct" way.

Personally, I think he deserves to be fired, being a Filipino myself I am ashamed of his actions and his demeanor. Nakakahiya! He should have been deferential to his boss. After all, it is his company, and it is in his country. He was the guest, and should have acted like the good bisita.

If his boss doesn't like the way he cleaned his pwet then he could have let his boss show him how "The Australian Way" was done. He could have done his number two then afterwards screamed, paged, or called his boss to enlighten him how "The Australian Way" of cleaning poop off one's ass was done by letting his boss do it for him.

"Ser! Ser! Ay em dan meyking-tae! Flis tiths mi da Estrelyan Wey!"

("Sir! I'm done! Can you please come in here and show me how it is done 'The Australian Way' by wiping my ass for me.")

We really should tell our overseas workers to be more cooperative to their superiors, on the other hand. Maybe our kababayan could have let his boss take a dump and then calling all the other Filipinos who might also need to know how "The Australian Way" is done, hold a public showing of it. Maybe a manual can be made and have it included in the company orientation for future Filipino employees.

Better yet, maybe take a video and post it on YouTube so that everyone who would wish to learn can find out how "The Australian Way" is done and implement it in their own companies, or their government's hygiene program.

Maybe the root of all evil on the planet is because we do not clean the feces on our anus "The Australian Way." I have to ask my Australian friends about this, maybe we were just ignoring it all along, not knowing what a boon we had just smeared under our seats.

Maybe this "Australian Way" could be the solution to the problems in Afghanistan! Or Iraq! Or Somalia! Or in Haiti! Or in Sri Lanka! Maybe after solving the crisis in Mindanao in our own country "The Australian Way" could solve the problems in the only other country in the world with a longer war than ours--Sudan!

Our Filipino worker should be immediately deported and be re-educated in diplomacy. Filipino workers should learn to blend in the cultures that they work in. We do it so well everywhere else, this one Filipino worker must have been having a bad day and forgot his Filipino Manners. Que horror! Cinverguenza!

I feel I must apologize to our Filipino's immediate boss: I'm sorry our kabayan didn't let you teach him the error of his ways. Please don't give up on us we are not all like him. To prove it, we would be glad to have you visit our country and you can wipe all our asses until you are sure we have learned "The Australian Way" of doing it. Av a Geh deyh meyht.

The lawyers say that what happened was absurd. I agree. It is absurd. But then again, who ever said this world was a serious place?